Thoughts from a 30 something birthday girl

My mother always says to me 'no one owes you living, if you want something you have to go get it yourself'. Whether that be a man, a job or a good bunch of friends, it is up to you to make it work'.


So as i lie in bed recovering from my birthday celebrations of the night before I am pondering, as one does, that at 31 have I made things that i want to happen really happen?


During my birthday celebrations this year, i surrounded myself with those who truely care for me. Granted that the numbers of those invited to attend have lessened over the years- at my 26th birthday i had a gathering of over 20 people-, I am confident that as my early 30's tick tock on that those I have chosen as friends are truely those who will have a positive influence in my life.


They are: my giggling partner from JLR whose big heart knows no bounds, Miss kiki from atlanta who supports my quest to find a good man and who i can dissect my love life with for hours at 4am, my inspirational friend who is all the way in australia whose words of 'keep people who build you close to you' has made me open my eyes, my sweet friend and mother to be whose positive thinking drives me on, the lovely Miss Ahnna you made me open my eyes to possibilities and last but not least my dear sister, who is like a truth board and is not afraid to tell me as it is.


Four months into 2010 I am making my own way through life with as fewer regrets as possible, friends and family that i love and a hope that one day my Reggie Bush look-a-like will come along and sweep me off my feet-sigh- if a girl cant wish this on her birthday then when can she.


LSGS

Remembering Tuesday 6th April 2010 at 5:02am

The date and time- Tuesday 6th April 2010 at 5:02am will forever be engraved on my mind for 2 main reasons- the first I am not quite ready to share yet (only those closest to me know) and the second reason is that I realised that I had started something with Mister Bad Boy that I was not quite willing to see until the end.

The realisation came about at an early hour as I lay next to a snoring Mister Bad boy. It was then I knew that the end was nigh.

I had come to his house that evening with the promise of a home cooked meal and great conversation, but little did I know that it would be the last time that I would ever want to see Mister Bad Boy again.

The dinner was lovely, the conversation flowed until we both fell asleep on his sofa. A few hours later my sleep was suddenly broken by an outside noise and I woke up. I looked over at him asleep beside me and realised then and there that it will never work. It dawned on me that I had done something that I swore I would never do, which is see someone who is wrong for you just so you can say "I've got someone".

He was not my type or someone I could see myself marrying and bearing his children. Somehow the x factor was missing, I am sure you know what I mean. I want a man whose kisses leave me wanting more, a man who adores me and all that I am, a man who makes the whole world disappear when I am in his presence and to be honest a man with pecs and abs to die for- I am after all a red hot blooded woman.

The question is where do I find such a man? Because I now know that he is certainly not the man who was lying beside me blissfully unaware that our 'thing'- if you could call it that- is over.

LSGS

The mystery that is Surviving a Heartbreak

I am one of those rare people who is yet to suffer a heartbreak. At 30, I am like a child who is happily playing with fire but is yet to be burnt. I am so scared at the idea of someone breaking my heart because I know that I will be an emotional wreck that my friends (and sister) would have to pick off the floor.


No man has had the pleasure of my heart. It is well guarded. With a spiky fence, bulldogs, snipers and a moat full of man eating crocodiles. The idea that some guy can come along and by pass all the security just scares the hell out of me.


Maybe my fear is based on the fact that I have witnessed my close friends going through broken hearts and tears. I have been there with a box of kleenex, bottle of vino, a tub of haagen daz, a Beyonce CD and lots of hugs. I made it my mission to see them through it but always thought "Hell no would I ever put myself through what they are going through!!!". I mean how do they survive it? or is that one of lifes little mysteries.


The thing is I am not the kind of person who shows off their weakness- stiff up lip and what not. I am very independent and do not like the idea of someone being able to break me. They say "better to have loved, than not to have loved at all"- I fiercely disagree.


Now I am seeing this guy, who is very sexy and open. He has showed me what it is to be able to share. I remember one night this week we where sharing a dessert and he turned to me and asked me "why are you so cold?"to which I responded, "I am British- you know we lack emotions and what not". Then we shared a smile.


So what now? Do I dare open my heart a little bit, confident that my friends will be there to catch me when I fall or should I put on a smile and act my heart out so he believes that my heart is opened even if the "no vacany" sign is still firmly in place?


-LSGS