The mystery that is Surviving a Heartbreak

I am one of those rare people who is yet to suffer a heartbreak. At 30, I am like a child who is happily playing with fire but is yet to be burnt. I am so scared at the idea of someone breaking my heart because I know that I will be an emotional wreck that my friends (and sister) would have to pick off the floor.


No man has had the pleasure of my heart. It is well guarded. With a spiky fence, bulldogs, snipers and a moat full of man eating crocodiles. The idea that some guy can come along and by pass all the security just scares the hell out of me.


Maybe my fear is based on the fact that I have witnessed my close friends going through broken hearts and tears. I have been there with a box of kleenex, bottle of vino, a tub of haagen daz, a Beyonce CD and lots of hugs. I made it my mission to see them through it but always thought "Hell no would I ever put myself through what they are going through!!!". I mean how do they survive it? or is that one of lifes little mysteries.


The thing is I am not the kind of person who shows off their weakness- stiff up lip and what not. I am very independent and do not like the idea of someone being able to break me. They say "better to have loved, than not to have loved at all"- I fiercely disagree.


Now I am seeing this guy, who is very sexy and open. He has showed me what it is to be able to share. I remember one night this week we where sharing a dessert and he turned to me and asked me "why are you so cold?"to which I responded, "I am British- you know we lack emotions and what not". Then we shared a smile.


So what now? Do I dare open my heart a little bit, confident that my friends will be there to catch me when I fall or should I put on a smile and act my heart out so he believes that my heart is opened even if the "no vacany" sign is still firmly in place?


-LSGS